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~ Another Piece Of My Life Puzzle ~

Another Piece Of My Life Puzzle

Another Piece Of My Life Puzzle

Welcome Back all you lovely readers!

With the first week of April coming to a close, I am feeling the love that spring and summer bring with them. It is amazing, making me want to grill and grow all season long! I love the sunny, beautiful weather and am so excited to get a whole new crop of posts out there for y’all.

Today, I’m going to touch on a topic that is not often talked about. Not the way I’m going to talk about it. I am going to be very real and raw with you because that’s just who I am.

So I’m just going to jump right in.

BODY

12 years ago I was 15 years old and not very happy with my body. I weighed around 160lbs and often thought I was too fat. Outwardly, I acted confident and like I loved the way I looked and had no problems with it. I acted like other people’s comments didn’t hurt.

Like I didn’t feel smacked in the face when a guy who I thought was my friend said he wouldn’t date me because he didn’t want to ruin our friendship, then turned around and told my best friend that he liked me as a friend but he just couldn’t date a fat girl.

Or the time when a guy in my church youth group said I couldn’t use his extra towel at the pool because he didn’t share his stuff with pigs, just to get a laugh from the other guys in my youth group… and yes, they laughed.

Yeah … I could’ve won an Oscar for the acting I did in high school. After high school, I finally found a bit of REAL self-confidence.

I stopped worrying so much about what others thought of me. Their opinions of me were none of my business.

I worked out at the gym often and tried to stay active, but I didn’t have a very good diet and often visited many fast food drive-thru’s. I would literally leave the gym and go to the McDonald’s that was right in front of my gym… kinda defeats the purpose, huh.

At 17, I never imagined that I would allow myself to get any bigger than I was at that moment. I was finally good with maintaining where I was. By this time I was probably around 180. I had thick thighs, a big butt, no gut, no cellulite and big boobs. Even if I didn’t really love my thick arms, I could live with them. I was starting to realize, I was sexy. This was a word that I had never associated with myself before. It felt good. Especially during the summer after I turned 19. My hair was long and dirty blonde, I was very tan from being outside 24/7. I was independent, working, in college, driving myself around, I had real friends and guys were actually interested in dating me.

Ah, 19 was a good year.

Fast- forward 3 years, I was 22 years old and I met my hubby. He says to this day that it “went BANG” when he saw me for the first time. I was at my peak confidence level when I met him. It was summertime so I was nice and tan. I am always most confident when I’m tan. When I arrived to meet him for the first time, I was wearing my favorite blue jean short shorts and a gray sparkly tank top. I had my hair and makeup done to a T. It was just one of those days where you know you look good. I miss those days, I haven’t had one of those days in quite some time.

Not too long after I started dating my now hubby, we started living together. When ya know, ya know. Well, I started cooking meals for the both of us and I would often eat the same portion sizes as he did. Now, let me explain, he was a body builder and went to the gym pretty much everyday just for the heck of it. His metabolism is insane and if he doesn’t work out to bulk up, then he actually loses weight no matter what he eats.

Lucky Duck!

So there I was eating these huge meals and gaining weight, while he was eating the same amount and it wasn’t phasing him at all. None of this clicked for me until it was much too late of course, hindsight 20/20 as they say.

He constantly told me that he loved me the way I was. He never acted like I was gaining weight or like it even mattered to him if I did. Well, I guess I just allowed myself to completely indulge in food. Next thing I know, I’m weighing in at 250lbs. I was devastated and fell into a HUGE depression.

I was probably 25 or so when I really got serious about my health. I’ve always really enjoyed healthy food and cooking is definitely one of my favorite things to do. So I dove in head first.

Plus I knew that we were wanting to start a family soon and I knew that if I wanted this, then I was going to have to work on myself and get my weight under control.

Long story short it has been one thing after another. I had been eating healthy and getting outside more often for a few months when we found out that we were gonna have Baby Boy. I actually ended up losing about 30 some odd pounds during my pregnancy. Hard to believe, I know. Even my doctor was shocked!

Now that I am 5 months postpartum, I am finally starting to feel like myself again. I am determined – now more than ever – to get into shape and really fuel my body with the nutrients it needs. -More on this in a later post! –

I need to be there for my son as he grows up and I do not want to miss special moments, like long walks at the zoo or amusement parks, simply because I’m not in well enough shape to keep up with him.

No. Just No.

I am determined. I am focused. And I am going to find that confidence that I once had. I’m not so focused on the number but how I feel and how clothes fit. I think that’s what I’ll be paying the most attention to.

Let me know if you will be focusing on health this season too.

What are some goals you hope to achieve??

Happy Spring to all of y’all!

Lots of Love,

~ Ray

(4) Comments

  1. Get your confidence back girl! Loved your story. Thanks for sharing it 🙂

    1. Thanks so much! It’s a daily struggle for real, but I’m doing alright.
      ~ Ray

  2. This was very inspiring to read, you sound like you’re doing great! I’ve also had body confidence issues, especially my legs, I hated them and thought they were too big and so I’d never have them on show. If it was hot in England, I’d just wear dresses and tights because I wouldn’t want my legs on show at all. It was only last year that I finally got my legs out and wore dresses without tights and it was scary but I did it. It’s difficult to keep that mindset though because it’s always so cold here, most of the year I won’t have my legs out anyway, so when the summer comes I’ll have to get used to having my legs out again!

    Chloe Chats xx

    1. I’m happy that you found my story inspirational 🙂 Thanks for letting me know. Show those legs off! Someone once told me this, if you don’t like yourself or how you look, how can you expect anyone else to? This is something I still struggle with, but I hope it helps somehow.
      Lots of love,
      Ray

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